Where Are All the Hottie Politicians?

When I tell people that my mother is a mainiac, and that she’s also from Maine (so shoot me if I’ve used that line before)… everyone’s all like, oh so does that make you American? Why yes, that does make me an American, this also means that yes I can vote in American elections (Palin 2012!). And yes I am proud to be an Amrican [sic], cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land [insert crescendo] God Bless the USA! During the Bush years admitting my greenback status elicited the usual round of sympathy; most people would always shudder and default to the, “thank god Canadians have better politicians.” Shit got all turned upside down once a little man by the name of Barack entered the scene and Canadians were suddenly green with Obama-envy. But secretly I’ve always enjoyed American politics more.

Why? Because in the States there are hottie politicians.

First of all hottie politicians in America are not a new phenomena. Have you seen old photos of the Kennedy boys wearing prancing around Nantucket? May as well lock the bathroom door for an hour and call it a day. Even Teddy Roosevelt, the original rough rider, was easy on the eyes back in his youth.

Today of course American is crawling with hottie’s involved in public service.



Take San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom, or should I say Grab me Some. Dear Gavin, if we get married and have children, I will let you tweet from under our chuppah.
Gavin Newsom Tweeted from his wife's hospital room during birth. What's not to love about a guy who enjoys social media?

Or what about my current boyfriend, Republican Congressman Aaron Schock (take away the S and H and you get…). Bitch has a six-pack and has more gingham paraphernalia then I do. Ten bucks he also has a J. Crew credit card.


Meaning he is both hot and a good dresser. Aaron, call me. Who cares that you’re a) a Republican, b) from Peoria, Illinois and c) a Republican. Party affiliations are minor things when it comes to love especially when we can bond over our love of J. Crew.



Of course I’m not just interested in hottie male politicians (fine, I am). I’m sure there are some hottie females out there, with the exclusion of Elena Kagan, bless her heart. Capitol Hill newspaper The Hill even publishes a list of the 50 Most Beautiful People working on the Hill every year. Unsurprisingly (or perhaps surprisingly) the majority are Democrats (30 vs 14). The Hill Times, Parliament Hill’s newspaper of note, would be lucky to publish 20 hottest people in Canadian politics, dead or alive. Belinda and Peter MacKay’s brief and disasterous love affair was the closest thing we’ve come to hottie drama.

So why is our lack of hottie politicians a concern? According to Israeli research, academia which I refuse to boycott simply because they’re ya know part of some sort of apartheid state, the hotter a politician is the more press they get. That’s right people, the lack of political engagement in our country’s political system may be in fact due to our ugly politicians. Is it possible that people don’t vote in elections because the leader’s of our two largest political parties look like Mr. Burns and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

So dear friends, Romans and countrymen, I ask the salient: why do we not have any hottie politicians?

I propose that we have a Hottie Rule, its sort of like how former Liberal leader Stephane Dion wanted to set a 33% minimum target for female candidates. Only instead of a female quota, we need a hottie quota. A hottie quote recognizes that there are barriers to entry when it comes to hottie politicians deciding to run for office. Canadians need to recognize that hottie’s are people too, they want to contribute to society and they don’t people thinking that they are stupid simply because they are hot.

So there you have it Canadians. Its time to stand up and reject the ugliness that pervades our House of Commons and vote for the hot people. So next federal election, which at this point could come any day now, don’t vote based on your party affiliation; vote based on your panty affiliation. Vote Hot! Because what’s the worst that could happen, another Harper minority?

Welcome...

Hi,
How are you? Hope you're swell. I too am fairly well. Let's see… what has happened since we last spoke? Hmm... Oh! I got my MBA. That.

Gosh-darn it, you probably never saw that one coming did you? For many it was a major plot twist; kind of like the final episode of Dawsons's Creek when Pacey's brother FINALLY came out of the closet and married Jack. Upon writing that out - I realize that that wasn't really a plot twist, nor did that many people probably watch that episode.

Anyway... let’s motor on from that accomplishment (Jack’s coming out).

Upon convocation from the University of Toronto you are immediately corralled onto Kings College Circle where there is a tent set up so you can purchase a frame for the degree you were literally just given. Cash grab! I believe the Yiddish word for this would be: prost. Frame prices range from $70.00 to over $200. My mother, Sim Sim Sima, in a momentary lapse of lucidity, decided to break from her usual frugality and insisted on purchasing a frame right then and there, even if the official U of T branded frames would be more expensive then a “DIY” solution. What’s another $200 on top of $70k? Plus the pretty U of T ones come with a gold embossed U of T logo!!!! An hour later, and $200 poorer, I realized as I was hanging the frame up in my room I realize that U of T used plastic instead of glass. Le sigh.

In a world where we assign price tags to almost anything (I can actually pay someone to come clean my garbage bins for me), are we assigning value to the piece of paper itself or to what the paper represents? The answer is not as easy as you may think. As many will tell you an MBA is a long-term investment. No one's shorting junk bonds in MBA's looking for a quick arbitrage opportunity. But the bigger question is: does the MBA project have positive project NPV?

Here's the honest truth - I wrote that paragraph simply to use MBA jargon I picked up while in school. Sometimes I just want to make my mother proud.

Most importantly welcome to what may become my third lifestyle blog, Negative Ninety Thousand Dollars (NNTD). The first, Confessions of a Faux Hiller, documented my life post McGill, when I, as a young twenty-something found myself unemployed, friendless and mildly addicted to Starbucks. Confessions was a tongue in cheek documentary about being gay, living in Toronto’s upscale Forest Hill neighborhood with my parents, and most importantly trying to find a place for myself in the city that I had grown up in, but suddenly felt at odds with. After that I went Rogue (at Rotman) in an attempt to stay true to my interloper roots while completing my MBA at the Rotman School of Management.

In many ways I like to think that this new blogaroo will be a blend of Confessions and my current situation. In an odd twist of fate I find myself once again living back in the safe and leafy confines of my childhood neighbourhood. Now 5 years later, instead of lamenting its hetero-normativity and trying to reject what the Faux Hill stood for, I’ve begun to embrace uptown in all its aspirational glory. While young, twenty-something me rejected the FH as I attempted to find who I was post-undergrad, late twenty-something me hits repeat on Katy Perry's California Gurls and choreographs dance moves while my friends play on Grindr in the living room.

And with that - I say welcome. This should be a barrel of monkeys.

Hopefully this will be the most reflective thing I write for y’all. While blogs are undoubtedly shaped by their author they should not BE about their author.

Catch da taste!

Coming May 1st

Coming May 1st, from the same person who brought you Faux Hill, Rogue@Rotman, is pleased
to present Negative 90 Thousand. A blog unlike no other.

And to answer your question, this blog will not be in 3D. You think I can afford those glasses? Bitch, please.

I'd like to thank Google for making this service free.