Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Glitter Bowl

Every year a straight friend and I usually bet on SuperBowl bet.  The lead up to the bet usually requires me to spend a good 30 minutes "boning" up on teams, quarterbacks, and tight-ends (ED: that is more than enough homo-erotic lingo for one paragraph).

But this year – in deciding which team to support I have decided to create an evaluative framework from which to analyze available data before making an informed decision as to which franchise I will be cheering for on Superbowl Sunday. 

Both teams, the New England Patriots and NY Giants (which for the unenlightened are different from the San Francisco Giants) were evaluated over 5 categories; each categorywas assigned a weighted average and a corresponding number of points for a total mark out of 100. 

The categories are:
1)      Hottie Matrix (50 Points) – attractiveness of the team.  Points are awarded as follows: 10 points for each teammate I would "bone" with a 10 point bonus for overall team bonability.  The maximum marks given are 50+10. 

2)      Pop-culture reverence (10 Points) – where does the team sit in pop culture?  What is the impact of each team on pop culture?

3)      LGBT equality stance (30 Points) – Support of players, owners and staff towards LGBT equality

4)      Political relevance (5 Points)-  an outgrowth of LGBT
equality stance each team will be marked for their commitment to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

5)      Philanthropic support (5 Points) – What is the teams philanthropic involvement

Point Spread:
1)      Hottie  Matrix (Out of 50):
Obviously judging only via physical appearance Tom Brady has almost every other NFL player beat.  The Giants make a rousing attempt of attractiveness with their Tight End (no pun intended) Jake Ballard who is decently attractive; however, the one-two punch of  Brady and Patriots Tight End (who knew?) Rob Gronkowski would imply that overall – the Patriots put the F in JILFs (Jocks I’d Like to…).

Patriots: 20+10 = 30
Giants: 10