Friday, November 12, 2010

Finding Your Happy in Gossip Girl

There are few things in life that bring me a considerable amount of joy. And most of what does lead to personal happiness is orally inclined: basically I'm talking about food and sex. And before you get all judgy and tell me that I am a dirty asshat for thinking about sex all the time le me remind you that the average male thinks about sex every 8 seconds and I'm going to assume that women think about it just as often as men do (cause we're equal y'all).

This means that while you were reading the above paragraph your mind probably wandered like at least twice (cock) to matters below the belt (blow job); who's the sick freak now (vagine)? The majority of my day is thusly spent eating, planning my next meal, and thinking about sex. Less time is actually spent doing the sex because well ya know... I'm single.

The other thing that truly, truly brings me joy, beyond my deep deep love for Gwyneth Paltrow (GP is the WASP girlfriend I've always wanted), is the blessed hour of television known as Gossip Girl. I'm going to assume that most people have watched or at least know about the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite... Even my mother watches Gossip Girl; although in your defense she tapes it on her VCR, as if you think Sim Sim Sima would spring for PVR? What planet are you from?

The main criticism that people level at GG is that it is totally unrealistic. No shit Sherlock. If I wanted realism I'd watch a documentary about oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico or maybe I'd watch an inspired by true events docu-drama about Terry Fox. Realism = nihilism and my life is realistic enough. I watch GG so I can salivate over the sets, the parties, and the clothes. And also Chase Crawford. For one brief hour a week GG is a respite from the daily grind that is ma vie.

In fact I love Gossip Girl so much so that when I'm down or blue I sometimes YouTube short clips of GG and sing (to the tune of Julie Andrews):

Serena's Large Breasts and Nate Archibalds man bangs,
Crazy ex-boyfriends and Van der bilts named Tripp;
Charitable functions and masquerade parties with bling;
These are a few of my favourite Gossip Girl things.

When Little J is banished;
When Georgina is damaged;
When I'm feeling sad;
I simply remember my favourite epi's and then I don't feel so bad.

Anyway... I've gotten a bit off topic here - but because I love me sums Gossip Girl I mostly overlook the fact that it the show has almost zero tangible connection to reality. As a joke NYMagazine's blog Vulture does a Gossip Girl reality meter every week, but I mean whatever... why bother asking such salient questions like why is "Gossip Girl" cyber bullying Serena? Or ask even more nuanced questions like: how does Juliette's brother text her from prison? Or point out obvious plot holes like it would take Dan more then an hour to get dressed, and get from DUMBO to Lincoln Center. Whatever. Who cares, just look at Blake Lively's tits.

That being said there is a bit of moral issue I do wish the show would address on a somewhat more realistic basis.

What you may ask? Let's talk about sex baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the goods things and the bad things that may be.

Look, as a progressive person I'm fairly cool with everyone on Gossip Girl being a bit of a whore; its part of the fun and at least someone is getting some.

That being said - can the kids on Gossip Girl be whores who don't get STD's? At one point while watching an episode from last season I texted my friend Amy with the sad realization that almost all of the characters on GG were having more sex then I was but nary once had there been a mention about condoms or protection. And while I don't expect the Powers that Be to film an episode where Blair and Serena have to put a condom on a banana in their high school health class (something my friends Emily and Julia DID have to do) it would be nice if the show touched on issues of contraception and STI's. I'm assuming a lot of teenagers do watch the show; and heck even people my age need to be reminded that: no glove, no love [I just spent 30 minutes trying to find the youtube of that commercial that was on the TV when we were younger when there was that girl and her sister and the sister grabs her as she's running out the door to remind her: no glove no love and couldn't, sorry].

Its not the general promiscuity I worry about - its how our friends on the Upper East Side seemingly screw around with abandon at all times of day in almost any location; are they just always carrying around condoms? Take parts of Season 3 which found Serena and Nate f^cking each other across the Upper East Side. In one seminal (no pun intended) episode Nate pulls Serena into a coat closet for some afternoon delight. It would have been nice if someone mentioned the c-word, because lord knows Nate is too fucking stupid to carry around a condom with him.

Thankfully there has been a bit of a change in Season 4 in terms of promoting safer sex. Chuck actually mentioned buying condoms in one episode and there was a faux Gossip Girl blast insinuating that Serena had an STD. That being said Blair's insinuations that Serena is a whore who slept with "french waiters, bartenders, docents, anyone on a bicycle..." doesn't really bode well for her pelvic health... And while GG may finally be becoming a bit more realistic when it comes to contraception choice - the way that the show portrays women also leaves a bit to be desired.

This leads me to moral quandry numero duos.

Again - I realize Gossip Girl is not going to be my generations Mary Tyler Moore show but can it at least try and make its main female character, Serena Van Der Woodsen, less dependent on men for her own feelings of self worth? In the last episode (Juliette Doesn't Live Here Anymore) - heroine Serena pouted all the way to Bergdorfs because she was sad she couldn't show up the ballet opening on the arm of her sorta boyfriend, who was also her professor. Girl - don't value yourself by being someone's arm candy!

Anyway - there you have it folks I love Gossip Girl for its unrealistic amazingness - but maybe, just maybe the show could try and be a bit more realistic when it comes to addressing salient societal issues.

Ya know - it would be nice if we could somehow mix some Blake Lively side boob and Chase Crawford man bangs with some safe sex (and heck if that safe sex includes yours truly that is a price I am willing to pay for the sake of moral uplift).


1 comment:

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